Here I stand, in the hallway leading to my room, by the window, looking over the city - only a small part of my dominion, in principle, at least... My memories - the parts of me that still exist - haunt my thoughts, trying to break through my mask of indifference, brought about by betrayal, lost causes, and yes, witchcraft.
I turn around, walking along the passage with my head low, dragging my feet along as I go. Suddenly, a servant emerges from one of the numerous passageways in the other end of the corridor. He spots me, and disappears even more swiftly - and why not, the Emperor is known to be mad, known to have killed people who got in his way. I let out a quiet laugh - at least he's innocent as a child, now... As innocent as I once was...
I never really believed in the things my family tried to teach me when I became a young man. They destroyed the first part of my innocence, and I turned to others for guidance. That I got in the form of stories of great men and great deeds, and of God and his humble servants. My family life was in a stalemate; them trying to figure out what to do with me, me trying to figure out what to do with them, and with my own life.
Then I met Ethel, and it didn't matter anymore. For a good while, I spent with her all the time I could spare. I didn't tell my family, of course. They'd never have approved. We planned to get married without them ever knowing it, but then she vanished on the eve of our wedding. All I know, my father seemed all too concerned on what had gotten into me the next day. On that night I sneaked away from my room, taking my battle gear and my trusty horse, Karl. I rode away in search of God, redemption and honor, never to return again, and, it seems, never to find anything I went off to look for...
I've done many deeds in my life, not all of which I am proud. Before meeting my current companions - friends, as I once would have called them - I tried searching for purpose in the Crusades, finding only greed, bloodlust and hate, having to cling on to my last shreds of innocence not to become like the others, not to kill for the sake of killing and riches.
It was a sheer stroke of luck that I got invited to the mission I now try to complete. It renewed my already lost sense of purpose, giving me a concrete enemy to fight in the name of God. And fight I did, with Otto and the others by my side. There were many battles, not all of strength, but of wit also. And we came through, never surrendering, because we knew what we did was right.
Now we've gone to hell and back together, and I don't know what's right anymore, nor who my friends are, if I indeed have any. What remains of my innocence I don't know. Maybe all was lost when the others turned on me, freeing the pagan god Loki. Only one of them was on my side then, and him I never trusted... He did do one thing for me, though - remolded my face in the fashion of the Emperor. A mixed blessing, at most...
All this, and now I've learned that the Lord Almighty Himself does not favor our cause - if, indeed, it was a true angel that visited me... Only a week ago I would never have doubted, but now I've seen too much to believe, too much not to doubt. But the Cardinal did not doubt, and he should know these matters better than me. If only I could bring myself to do what he did, but I have my duties, and I am in no hurry to Hell, having once visited the place...
Again, I let my eyes rest on the city, one of the first ones to fall to the Darkness, but not the last, should I follow the divine plan as it was given to me to do. Alas, I cannot. We have gone too far, suffered too much to let others suffer as we have. If it means that I make enemies of both Heaven and Hell, so be it. I have to follow my heart, make my own way, and hope. Hope is all I have left, and God knows there isn't much of it. Perhaps that is the only thing in me that still pleases Him.
I turn to walk back to the Emperor's room - my room. I see another servant hurrying down the corridor on some errand or another. For a moment I feel cold all over, and turn to face the mirror on the wall.
The Emperor looks back at me, square in the eye.